So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
