i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
