there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I intend to get homeless drunk
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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