If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
