You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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