It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
