who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
