Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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