Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
