so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
