just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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