Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
