I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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