Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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