If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
