Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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