She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
