allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
