don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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