I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
