using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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