I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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