So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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