sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
