around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
