the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
