We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
