I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
