You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
