dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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