So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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