He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
