i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
