I just saw a hot homeless man
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
