Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
