you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
