I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
