he thought i was a dude.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
