someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
