shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
