Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
