Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
