hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
