The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
