When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
