I murdered the dance floor call the cops
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
