So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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