I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
