apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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