I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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