I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
