just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
