that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
