I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
