I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
either way he was missing a nipple.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
